After years of being a bit of a spaz when it comes to men, I decided I had enough. My mind felt worn from excess rumination and my heart tired of being suppressed, then open, suppressed, then open. Rather than try desperately to see through the murky waters of the opposite sex, I decided to just sail along peacefully and truly enjoy the ride. After all, the waters never got clearer because I stressed the eff out. Nope. In fact, rarely - if ever - do things work out because you stress out; and most of the time, it’s quite the opposite.

Serenity Dating is an approach to dating where the interested party exhibits a state of composure evidenced by a tranquil and calm quality.

Serenity Dating means that you come to the situation in a serene state (hence serenity) without expectation or commitment and let the cards fall naturally. Serenity Dating lacks calculation and dishonesty, so you have to throw your games - or most of them - out the window. Make like a Kurt Cobain devotee and come as you are. Loosen your grip on the urge to guess what your partner is thinking or doing or feeling or not feeling because honestly, are you ever going to know? Nope. Not until he or she is ready to tell you. (If they are never ready, then they just aren’t that into you or have an issue accepting their feelings, which opens a whole different can of slimy, gross worms.)

But by all means follow your positive instincts. For instance, I decided I would invite a guy I recently dated to have a drink with me. My friends and loved ones had mixed views of this and plenty of opinions about whether or not it was a good idea. I had already decided. I would not go to the drink with any ideas. Just a drink. Just have fun. Then I let it go. Friends commented on my abnormal state of cool, and I chalked it up to the Serenity Dating. It works wonders for my sate of mind.

A couple days later, said guy text me asking me if I wanted to have a drink. Um, need I repeat that, he text me the question I was set to text him. But before you freak out at the positive way the universe responded to my tranquil approach, be still. Do serenity daters freak out? No, no they do not. While I was happy, elated actually, I refrained from attaching too much meaning.  All we can do is bring ourselves to the table. We cannot predict how our partner will react or act. Who’s to say we can even predict our own feelings and actions on a given future interaction? Loading our minds with preconceptions both taints the actual interaction and confines the natural progression of a relationship.

Until said drink, I plan to dance the night away, take a trapeze lesson, practice yoga and catch up on my Christmas shopping. Whereas my previous approach would have involved ample conversation about the verbatim text conversation, analyzation of potential partner, and ad nauseam discussion, this approach lends to mental freedom.

Although I’m still going to buy a new outfit because Serenity Dating still respects proper attire.

Emma Dinzebach

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