Normally a huge advocate of a guy on the side, at least before any official talks ensue, I have recently almost changed my mind. Unless you really like the guy on the side (but then why is he on the side?), he can quickly become a pain in the ass. See also: back burner for a reason. If he were red hot, he would be on the front.

Because everything is roses and rainbows, until you forget to switch the burners. Then Guy A is getting all of your attention and Guy B is wondering what is going on; and whatever it is you think you feel, you don’t for sure. Guy A either begins the retreat or kicks into overload. Guy B is flipping around like a fish out of water. Recently, my “A” (not to be confused with “A Game,” which he could have done a better job bringing to the table) and I stumbled upon…er, our feelings, which unfortunately were not properly aligned. Maybe I wasn’t his first burner, or maybe I failed to switch them in a timely manner. I’m not exactly sure why as he said, “Too tough to explain to your satisfaction.” (Like what-ever, an end is an end; and I have no shortage of suitors.) The problem herein lies in said back-ups because if you aren’t so into Guy B in the first place, he is going to make it worse.

For me this caused a bit of a problem because then, in the middle of my getting over whatever I was attempting to get over, I had to deal with Guy B. (And Guy C, but being used to the long-arm’s length between us, he didn’t require too much attention.)  During my sad time, I had to have a pseudo break-up talk with someone. And that, my dear friends, is the burden of dating multiple people. Too little choice produces anxiety and a longing to diversify, but too much choice ends in too many break-ups…or whatever we are calling them these days.

I did “the math” the other day and learned that if you go on one date with me, you have an 8% chance of becoming my real full-fledged boyfriend. Those aren’t good odds. If there is an 8% chance of rain are you going to carry an umbrella? No, no you are not. Conversely, 92% of the time, I have to have some form of a break-up talk. I should be better at this by now. I should be much, much better.

Emma Dinzebach

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